Peer review 2 for Nicki Escalante

I read Nickie from section 4's draft of her standard essay for my second peer review.

Nicki Escalante wrote a rough draft of her standard essay called HB2 dealing with a bill that affects transgenders in North Carolina.

For the peer review I will be giving a content suggestion for her rough draft

• I think her argument could be a clearer if she explained some terminology to the audience (unless your audience is intended to be solely trans-people) because if the language is not defined, it can get confusing for the general public. 
• I also think it would be helpful if you cited a source who was trans or maybe a doctor/expert in sexuality and gender, who could explain some feelings that members of their community are experiencing with this bill and how it affects them. That would boost her credibility 
• Also just in general be mindful of the language and insight being provided (ex:" She’s a relatively normal individual who happens to feel more like herself as a girl instead of a boy, which is what she was born as." I don't know exactly what she means by saying she is relatively normal, people might get sensitive about that 
• also, noting that this is only a draft and I don't know if she was planning on doing this or not, but I think the essay will be very effective if she answers the slew of questions she asks in the last paragraph
• I like that she clarifies on more than one occasion what she is arguing for, and her voice/urgency to report on this is visible