I'm excited about my essay, but it's still a work in progress. In my document I have noted things I need to add and fix for my draft.
Here is my rough copy:
Standard Essay Rough Draft
Author Response
Explain, with some specificity, your thoughts and feelings about the following:
Key information about your particular project that you would like anyone who peer reviews your draft to know
My essay basically a causal/proposal argumentative essay draft. I added links to sources for diff. heading sections of the essay, which help me w my organization of thoughts and paragraphs.
Major issues or weaknesses in the “Rough Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those weaknesses)
Major issues or weaknesses in the “Rough Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those weaknesses)
I am still missing some stuff. I need to ADD:
1. Title
2. Problems w porn, tv, social media; the repercussions for girls in par. 4-5
3. Fill in par. that depicts how open sex talk also fosters better relationship w kids and parents
4. Show leader(s) who are against this talk, then refute in last par before conclusion
5. -Use statistics proving healthy sex talk has benefits
6. A conclusion
7. Sources and citations
Major virtues or strengths in the “Rough Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those strengths)
I think my essay is linear and not as jumbled as it was in the beginning, I like my voice and style, and think my argument is clear
Veronica,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, your topic is awesome and so far you have a really well-planned out argument to convey your points. In terms of content, everything seems to be presented in your cut except for citations. I see that you plan to use statistics about healthy sex talks, and I would recommend also incorporating something about the amount of schools in America that utilize healthy sex talks versus those that either have no sexual education programs, or that have those that teach abstinence only.
Additionally, it is clear that you plan to do some rearranging of your draft before the final cut. It seems that you have your outline pretty planned out, and I think that your proposed suggestions (paragraph insertions, explanations, citations) are very effective. If you stick to your plan, your essay will be super bitchin.
Good work so far and good luck in the coming weeks!
-Avalon
Great work overall! I believe that you have a good amount of work you have already put in which is good as you can develop on this. I would make sure that everything follows a order which makes sense. Make sure that your ideas are connected and you have a good flow. As you transition from ideas, try to include words or sentences to connect them. This will give help the overall form of your essay. Good luck!
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