Editorial Report a

For this post, I discuss how I changed some part of my rough cut- I displayed more of the research I found in my revised paper which added logic

Audience Questions

How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

I expanded and added a statistic. It's more effective in the re-edited version because more detail and the statistic support my argument that America's abstinence only programs aren't effective, and show that other country's who welcome sexuality discussions have lower pregnancy rates.

How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

My paragraph became longer because I added more sentences. Also, there was logic introduced since I added a statistic. I think this is more effective because I get across emotional and logical appeals, and it makes my paper longer

rough cut:

France and the Netherlands acknowledge and accept premarital sex, unlike America, where half of the states demand that abstinence is emphasized. Open sex conversations actually lead to the prevention of sexual health risks, pregnancies, rape, and more. This is seen in hundreds of studies, where America’s sexual health and sexual education is compared to other parts of the developed world.

revised:

France and the Netherlands acknowledge and accept premarital sex, unlike America, where half of the states demand that abstinence is emphasized. Open sex conversations actually lead to the prevention of sexual health risks, pregnancies, rape, and more. This is seen in hundreds of studies, where America’s sexual health and sexual education is compared to other parts of the developed world. In the Netherlands, all students are required to have a form of sexuality education by law. Kids as young as four years old are having some type of sex ed class. There aren’t explicit discussions for the kindergarteners, but they learn about sexuality and love. From that age and on, they receive a “comprehensive sex education”; gender stereotypes, self-image, sexual orientation, and contraceptive options are all central topics. (De Melker) The facts are in, people. In fact, they have been in since the late 1990’s and early 2000’s: The US has 8.5 times more births per 1000 adolescents between the ages of 15 and 17 years old than in the Netherlands, 5.5 times greater than in France, and practically 3 times greater than in Australia. (UNICEF). Luckily, things are looking up. Abstinence programs are ending. “In his proposed budget for 2017, Obama has eliminated a $10 million-a-year grant from the Department of Health and Human Services that funds these programs.” (Papisova)