Editorial Report b

For this post, I discuss the changes I made to my rough cut in my revised essay, specifically on my last paragraph and conclusion.

Audience Questions

How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

I needed something to bridge my last paragraph and my conclusion, so I added a tiny paragraph about the importance of parents talking to their children honestly about sexuality, especially if it isn't taught right in schools. My essay doesn't just jump into the conclusion now

How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

I added more sentences, so the essay became longer than it was. It is more effective because it makes my essay flow better and broke up a paragraph that was too lengthy

Rough Cut:

In order to stop this tide of mislead and disillusioned teens, schools and parents need to seriously and frankly talk to social media’s and pornography’s most susceptible audience. The confusion needs to be cleared up. Sexuality and sex are completely natural things, yet America frowns upon them. The wrong lessons and values are being taught by porn and social media, where women must live up to expectations that force them to be sexually objectified. At a young age, trust, intimacy, respect should all be taught. Parents can equip their kids by loving them and changing the conversation. In America’s paradoxical society, where there is hyper-sexualization of girls in the media, yet overzealous abstinence programs and judgment, the inequality in the bedroom for the female gender has psychological and physical repercussions for young adults, and while several nations in the world are healthier and advanced, one nation has the potential to regress entirely if they cannot accept and embrace something as human as sex.

Re-edited:

 Unfortunately, there are some instances where children are denied a sexual education entirely in schools. Someone needs to step forth and teach those kids and all kids early on. That someone will be you one day, when you have children of your own. And there does not have to be a script. My mom never had one with me. How I felt supported and loved by my mom was knowing she was there for me and would not threaten or scare me, but simply educate and prepare me for what to expect as I got older and began to experiment.

        In order to stop this tide of mislead and disillusioned teens, schools and parents need to seriously and frankly talk to social media’s and pornography’s most susceptible audience. The confusion needs to be cleared up. Sexuality and sex are completely natural things, yet America frowns upon them. The wrong lessons and values are being taught by porn and social media, where women must live up to expectations that force them to be sexually objectified. At a young age, trust, intimacy, respect should all be taught. Parents can equip their kids by loving them and changing the conversation. In America’s paradoxical society, where there is hyper-sexualization of girls in the media, yet overzealous abstinence programs and judgment, the inequality in the bedroom for the female gender has psychological and physical repercussions for young adults, and while several nations in the world are healthier and advanced, one nation has the potential to regress entirely if they cannot accept and embrace something as human as sex.