Peer Review for Alex Vergara

I performed a peer review for Alex Vergara in my section for the final project.

Audience Question: How did you practice your editorial skills this week in peer review?

Alex Vergara: Standard Essay
I chose a content suggestion for the peer review activity. 

"I love the topic :) .. You introduce logic with quotes and statistics, and emotions are seen by your personal anecdote; they both make you credible. I like the example in sports, but my only suggestion would be to add another example or two that bolsters your argument, perhaps from a corporate business women, or from a perspective in the business world. Good job! "

I think I helped Alex because my suggestion would not only add some length to her essay, but add more supporting evidence for her side of the argument and make it more entertaining for her readers, it will also broaden the audience by mentioning women in the business world, not just the sports world.

I admire how concise and straight-forward her writing and style is. I tend to write too many ideas and get lost, not knowing how I should organize my paragraphs or what to cut out. She did a great job with sticking to her argument and using solid points in a linear fashion.

Editorial Report 15b

I'll be comparing part of my rough cut with my revised copy of the final project. Still embarrassed :)

How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

In my rough copy I didn't give context about my project, in the final copy I added a slide that gave some background. I like it because it explains and makes things clearer for the audience

How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

In the final copy I added a slide with writing that changes the form because for the most part it was just a video of me talking; I think the slide makes my video more interesting and plays with the conventions

rough copy:

Rough cut clip on vimeo

final copy:

Final copy clip on vimeo

Editorial Report 15a

I'm kind of embarrassed by the video essay and how much face time there is lol, but yea let's get this over with

How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

I added a video clip and music for my strength and weakness example, and I changed the words a little

How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

Now it's not just text, there's a video clip and an audio clip included with slides of text.

Rough Cut: 

This is what I had planned out--

Strength: Through descriptive language and details, I have a strong and unique voice in my writing.

Weakness: My indecisiveness and overthinking forces me to try and incorporate too many ideas, making my work less effective

(add image or clip)

Revised: 

This is how the video version came out--

editorial clip on vimeo

Open Post to Peer Reviewers (final project)

For this post, I'll be discussing my final project and it's weaknesses and successes.

Author Response

Explain, with some specificity, your thoughts and feelings about the following:
Key information about your particular project that you would like anyone who peer reviews your draft to know

I don't love my video essay, I think reflecting in a video is slightly corny, but I get my points across.

Major issues or weaknesses in the “Rough Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those weaknesses)

I think my beginning is slow and takes a little bit of time to get into my thesis... I don't like how close I was to the camera either and my expressions come off slightly corny like I said earlier, but oh well

Major virtues or strengths in the “Rough Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those strengths)

Strength I guess would be my honest feelings and I think the passion is easily identified

Rough Cut:

Final Video Project on Vimeo (password is english109h)

2nd link, google drive video upload