Peer Review (2) for Cheyenne Garcia

For this blog post I will be discussing the Peer Review I did for Cheyenne from section 6. I really am intrigued by her public argument because I care a lot about her topic, and it reminds me of my own argument.


Cheyenne Garcia's Rhetorical Analysis of Project 3 

For peer review I did activity 1. brainstorming for rhetorical analysis of project 3. I think Cheyenne has a good grasp on project 3 according to her rhetorical analysis. This is evident because she picked a specific event to ground her argument, the case of a former Stanford swimmer accused of rape, which allows her to extend a discussion on "consent." I think this can be conveyed strongly in a video essay if she follows well-executed examples, because certain music can be used which will add to emotional appeals. The Student's Guide suggests to explain your opinion rather than just saying, "I liked this ___". I think my comments were constructive criticism, rather than compliments. One area Cheyenne can improve is the section on preconceptions. You might consider changing this: "I feel there's a debate between the girl and the guys side when talking about consent" because that is a little unclear to me. When considering a situation of rape, it truly depends on what the people involved have to say, but it's not always a girl and a guy, there are same-sex rape situations, too, to consider. Also, your argument's purpose might want to extend to highlighting society's issue of people lying about rape and who defends who (i.e. college sports coaches or the college itself, for reputation reasons), etc. I admire how clear and thorough your report is, that is going to really help organize your video essay. I think I can take a tip from you because I tend to reach for way too many ideas, so I'm going to try to make my project stay on topic and not veer.

Peer Review 11a for Mike

For this blog post I reviewed for Mike from my class. He is doing a podcast, and I just finished one for project 2 so I think I can maybe offer him some advice. He has a really important and interesting topic; I recently had some hacking of my apple ID and verizon account and still need to change a bunch of passwords, so I should probably pay attention..

I took a look at Mike Duffek's production report 11b, and he linked a bit of his audio that he adapted from his outline: Audio Link and decided to perform activity 6, form.  

The Student's Guide readings suggest that reviewers say more than just "I liked the project" and offer an explanation for why I liked it. I think Mike's podcast is coming together really well. From the start, his voice sounds unique, controlled and conversational. I remember being very worried about how "professional" my podcast was going to sound, and I think I honestly needed to just be more natural, which Mike does a good job at. Also, I think this part of his audio does reveal just how much random, personal information people and agencies can get ahold of and potentially use it against you, which aids your argument. 

Little things Mike could change that would highly improve his podcast is if he slows down his speech at some points and if he could make it just a little louder. And I think you can get your point across without keeping the whole excerpt, it might be kind of long. Also, the addition of music would make his audio sound a lot more entertaining (which I'm sure he will do eventually, but this is just some rough-cut audio). It's a good start though!

Peer Review For Grant

For this post I did a peer review activity for Grant in my section (8).

Grant Williams, here is his project production schedule. I performed a resource recommendation for his project (activity 4).

I am familiar with the podcast genre since I just did mine, and it's similar to the video essay because they both have audio- therefore, I feel comfortable giving him some resources or advice. 

I found good audio on freemusicarchive.com, the music was not cheesy, it was actual songs from bands that are maybe less mainstream. I think you could find some good audio to incorporate because I know your project 3 has to do with music, specifically. If you need to record your own voice, but don't want to film video, the recording devices found downstairs at the library surprisingly record really great and catch your voice even if you're a few feet away (they're also easy to use). I also suggest using spreaker.com or garage band and imovie to keep track of your own audio files for the video essay. 

I really like how in your production schedule you're changing up your location, especially if you plan on filming in different areas, it's cool to have a different scenery and see what places look best for the video and have options. Also, cool how you're going to utilize KAMP radio on campus, I would not have thought about that. I might take away from your project, and use it for my own if I can, breaking up my week schedule by a chunk of days, rather than determining a slew of things to be accomplished on solely Monday because that might be putting too much pressure on me. 

Peer Review for Sofia

For this post I did a peer review activity for a girl in a different section, she's doing a video essay.

I peer reviewed for Sofia Haserot (section 2), and I did activity 2: the outlining suggestion for her content outline. 

Sofia's outline is good because she has a consistent approach, and good evidence for the argument about obamacare.

An area I think she can develop is her introduction because she sort of assumes that her audience knows all there is to obamacare. I am not well informed on the topic, and probably should be, but I think she should include a general statement explaining what Obamacare entails and some background info before arguing the cons of the program that Obama put in motion.

I think the video essay genre is really good for this project because, as I read in the student writing book, you need a medium that will be most persuasive to your audience and most fitting for your argument-- I think a visually compelling genre will interest people who might not read up on politics found in articles. 

She's doing a video essay, and kept in mind that it is still an essay, so it's conventions need paragraphs, essentially. She followed that and organized an intro, then body sections, where she elaborates on the points she's trying to make. I can take from her outline the organization because I always have an issue with having too many ideas in one place or in one project, and I need to cut things to be more concise.

Reflection on Pre-Production

Pre-production was not the most productive, I'll admit. I know what I need to do, though, for this week to go better.

1. What went well?

I definitely fell behind with this, but I think my topic for the argument is really good and strong and I have a lot of good sources.

2. What were some of the challenges?

I felt like this deadline snuck up on me and I wasn't very prepared. I know that I need to buckle down this week and get a lot of work going (and started..). 

3. How do you think next week will go, based on your experiences this week?

If I can focus and not procrastinate, I will have a good week and hopefully a decent draft of an essay.

4. How are you feeling about the project overall at this point?

Slightly nervous and overwhelmed, as usual.

Production Schedule

Here's my production schedule for this upcoming week. I'm really worried about falling behind, but I think I can get a lot done on Mondays and Wednesdays because I only have one class so I'm aiming for those days to be the most productive.

Content Outline

My outline is kind of messy, there are a lot of ideas tossed around, I definitely need to work on the organization of my thoughts and how that'll change essay layout. Here's a gist of it:

Opening: 

-Sexuality and Sex ed Background in America

-Things that have a negative impact on teen girls

-Peggy's Book: GIrls & Sex

Thesis: The conversation of sex, especially in regards to female sexuality, needs to change. There needs to be a shift in concern for girls because they've been mislead, as a result of America's societal and cultural pressures and misconceptions.

--I've found multiple perspectives and I think they show the discouragement of exploring sexuality, or at least disagree that the sex talk in regards to female sexuality needs to transform; either they're against Peggy's reasons, or believe the conversation doesn't need to transform at all.--

1st body: 

- people are so uncomfortable with discussing healthy sex and sexuality; the fact that it is so taboo in America compared to the rest of the world should signal that something is not right.

-Introduce Peggy's book, "Girls & Sex"

-discuss society's problem/the misconceptions by/with social media, pornography, and how sex and body image are portrayed and the impact it has on women 

       -the generation's hookup culture, apps like tinder

-Why the sex conversation is important: to ensure that girls realize that finding what they want during intimate times with someone, will help them learn and care about themselves and foster the growth of a healthier, happier, individual.
--- why it's good for the future

3rd body:

-Some people think that talking about sex (predominantly with adolescents), while placing emphasis on how girls can and should communicate their desires or learning what they want out of intimate times, so they can have equality or feel better/empowered, doesn't need to happen. 

-Some people are anti-enlightening, positive sex talk because they are advocates of abstinence-only sex Ed. In addition to those opposers, there are people who want to bury the idea of adolescent sex at all, and want to cut funding or stop funding organizations like Planned Parenthood. These conservative voices claim that these honest and positive sex talks could lead to increased promiscuity or sex in teens and not necessarily responsible, healthy choices.

**need to find leaders that think this

-Show NPR comments, then refute them w sources

"People need to be a little patient. Eventually teens will grow up and discover female sexuality on their own"

• What about now? Forget the future, teens need to learn now about the importance of communication and equality during intimate times, in order to avoid the negative consequences. 

"Sex education is fine, I was taught about diseases, pregnancy, and rape. Women have had nothing but positive messages about their sexuality for the past 30 years, these women's issues are over, this is anti male nonsense"

"these girls need to be taught about having respect for themselves, not gaining respect through reciprocation."

• use Peggy's book, or other source to prove that girl's do not feel this way and that those topics are not the only things that need to be discussed in sex-ed. 

• Planned Parenthood research 
• America compared to other countries academic journal article 
• Tie into how how America not only needs to change the sex conversation in order to move forward, but needs to talk about sex in general... that only talking about sex fosters mental health for adolescents, and also physical health and prevention of sexual health risks 

Closing: 

Touch on some main points:

    -sex is often discussed as solely a way to reproduce, or taught in school that it will give you STDs and STIs, god forbid we act like teens don't do it with other intentions... Pleasure is never spoken about, which can make teens feel ashamed and wrong in regards to engaging in sexual activities.

-Peggy's book isnt saying "go have more sex" or "im upset youre having bad sex" 

-it's about female empowerment and the psychological and physical repercussions for women if we don't teach adolescents about sex and scratch more than just the surface